BOB Interview
From Chelsea Wiki
B: How did you first hear about BOB?
V: I read about it in a Swedish feminist anthology. It was talking about porn films, alternatives to mainstream pornos. I thought it sounded interesting so I made a note of it and checked it out on the net.
B: Do you think BOB could be seen as a liberating act of sexual expression?
V: Well, I don’t know. I think it could be if you do it with the right person for the right reasons.
B: What are the right reasons?
V: That you wanna fuck him hard in the arse. Haha. Seriously though, the idea of having a penis is nice, but that relates back to Freud, which makes me wanna puke. He’s always talking about how the woman is lacking and penis envy and stuff. But it could be quite exciting. Its like payback time.
B: Yeh, I think its a different experience to penetrate, more dominant. I mean the positions you can be in are more active and controlling.
V: When I first heard about BOB I thought it was a good idea for a porno but personally I’m quite anti-sexual right now. BOB is focused on heterosexuality which annoys me, its like its just another excuse.
B: But it is changing the emphasis of hetero sex.
V: Yeh, and its quite erotic... I can only come up with political reasons, because I haven’t actually done it so I can’t put any emotion into it.
B: So, what is it that you find problematic in heterosexual relationships?
V: Well, heterosexual relationships are problematic in themselves because the male is obviously dominating the female. There are so many traditions. I question whether you can express your sexuality, I mean, really express your sexuality, not just what is expected of you through traditional gender roles, in a hetero relationship. Society is based around heterosexual relationships, which obviously excludes other kinds of sexuality. I have a problem because right now, I don’t really know ‘what is sexuality?’. In heterosexual relationships, in my experience, I’ve felt like I was doing things that I didn’t really want to do, but I was expected to do. But what do you think?
B: I think the isolated heterosexual couple seems to be the primary unit in society. I guess that excludes possibilities for other relationships, even non-sexual relationships, taking greater importance. There is so much focus on sexual relationships and “the couple”. That doesn’t leave much space for alternative ways of expressing your sexuality or other forms of relationships. I remember my friend once asking me ‘what if I want to live with a man for the rest of my life? Not that I’m gay, I don’t want to sleep with a man. But what if I want to live with my best friend forever?’. His concerns are legitimate cos that kind of behaviour isn’t accepted in this society, the couple is totally isolated.
V: I have a problem with the sexual act, because you’re not supposed to have fun, its a serious thing. Like its written in stone, sacred even. And you have to take it seriously like a spiritual experience. Thats what I question. Its also an issue of trust. Whoever has the penis is more in control, and the person who’s being penetrated has to trust them. So if you BOB your boyfriend he has to show that he trusts you.
B: I think the problems with heterosexual relationships also extend to some extent to homosexual relationships now too. Because before homosexual relationships were recognised as legitimate, there was the possibility for kinds of sexual expression which were outside of normal gender roles, but now it seems like there are a lot of homosexual norms as well. So how far have you gone?
V: I’ve put things inside him.
B: What things?!
V: Yeh, ok, fingers.
B: I don’t really feel like having a relationship right now.
V: Me niether. Who’re we gonna BOB then?
